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New Releases for Tuesday, January 19, 2016

The Guardian

Genre: Horror Directed by: William Friedkin Run time: 92 minutes Rating: R Format: Blu-Ray The Lowdown: William Friedkin directed what many people consider the scariest movie ever made, “The Exorcist,” which still stands as the best demonic possession movie ever made.

But at heart, he’s really just a pulpy B-movie auteur, as evidenced by this 1990 oddity, recently unearthed by Scream Factory.

The Guardian is silly, ridiculous and fun. It’s “The Hand that Rocks the Cradle,” only the evil nanny in this case is literally a baby-stealing tree beast.

Yep, that’s right, Jenny Seagrove, the evil nanny, is a freaking tree person who feeds live infants to a towering tree as part of some bizarre pagan ritual.

This is the kind of movie that used to garner a wide release in nationwide theaters. A movie that features a people-eating tree god that devours limbs and absorbs the souls of babies so that their cherubic faces become etched in its bark.

What the hell?!?

Does it make any sense? Not a lick. Is it a good movie? Oh hell no. But if you aren’t shouting at the screen by the lurid, over the top ending, as blood spews from axe-hacked tree roots, then you really don’t like movies. Not one bit.

Give it a look.

The Stuff You Care About: Hot chicks – Yes. Nudity – Yes. Gore – Minimal. Drug use – No. Bad Guys/Killers – It’s a tree! Buy/Rent – Rent it.

Straight Outta Compton (Universal, 167 minutes, Unrated, Blu-Ray): Criminally overlooked by the Academy Awards, the story of gangster rap’s emergence in southern California, which was spearheaded by the great N.W.A., Straight Outta Compton is an amazing, electrifying film directed by F. Gary Gray. This isn’t your ordinary music biopic. It’s not a glorified episode of VH1’s Behind the Music. Straight Outta Compton crackles with vibrant energy. It’s a timely and socially relevant look at race relations, the trappings of fame and the bonds of friendship. Watch this movie. Now! It’s just damn good.

Everest (Universal, 121 minutes, PG-13, 3D Blu-Ray): Everest isn’t a movie you enjoy. It’s more of an experience. Brutal and unforgiving as the mountain in its title, the film is a chilling reminder of man’s limitations in the face of nature’s awe and wrath. More than anything, the top-notch, exhilarating cinematography will make you feel as if you literally are climbing to the summit yourself, providing what I can only imagine will be the closest most people will ever personally

get to the stunning reality of what it’s like to try and tackle Mount Everest.

The Ice Pirates (Warner Bros., 94 minutes, PG, Blu-Ray): Sometimes a movie you remember fondly from childhood should remain just that – a fond memory, never to be revisited. I can only surmise that nostalgia alone summoned enough fan votes to convince Warner Bros.’s Warner Archive Collection to release The Ice Pirates for the first time on Blu-Ray. This 1984 space comedy, cobbled from the best ideas of “Star Wars,” "Star Trek” and other science-fiction greats, is blessed with an outstanding cast: Robert Urich, Anjelica Huston, even Ron Perlman. What these three actors saw in the script that convinced them to star likely never translated to the screen because The Ice Pirates is a feeble, ham-fisted space opera with no soul and zero laughs. What I found hysterical at age 14 just no longer holds true, apparently. Having recently watched “Flash Gordon” on cable, I was reminded of just how fun a bad movie with great intentions can be. “Flash Gordon” is everything that these types of movies aspire to be – pulpy, campy, irreverent and just plain enjoyable. I wish the same still held true about The Ice Pirates.

Also Available:

A Girl Like Her I Am Thor Swamp People: Season 6 Little House on the Prairie: Season Eight – Deluxe Remastered The Intern Stonewall The Condemned 2 The Diary of a Teenage Girl Jem and the Holograms 12 Monkeys: Season One

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